


Run & Run & Run

by LinneaKou



Series: The Night Has A Thousand Eyes [3]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Gen, Side Story, drinking as a coping mechanism, rare tropical birds, unwanted romantic advances
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-17
Updated: 2017-03-17
Packaged: 2018-10-06 09:42:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10331810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LinneaKou/pseuds/LinneaKou
Summary: Black Kat has a reputation in Gotham. Unfortunately for Yuuri Katsuki.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Lii: What if the Penguin had a really creepy crush on Black Kat  
> Nic: WOW WHAT
> 
> I'm not sorry.
> 
> (Continuity note: this takes place at the same time as Prodigal Son, so don't worry about spoilers! And that next chapter is still scheduled for Saturday unless something ridiculous like a random bear attack happens so. Enjoy!)

Yuuri sighed, his legs hanging over the edge of the rooftop, feet dangling in the air. “Do I really have to do this?”

“You wanted something to do, here’s something,” Phichit replied via the comm unit in Yuuri’s ear. “Besides, this is the perfect opportunity to test out that new utility knife Leo gave you.”

“I’ve never stolen a bird before,” Yuuri muttered. “This really isn’t my style. Who commissioned this?”

“No clue,” Phichit answered cheerfully. “C’mon, Yuuri, you know we pride ourselves on quality privacy assurance!”

“It’s weird,” Yuuri whined. “And I’ve got a weird feeling about this.”

Phichit snorted. “Mmhmm. Is the great Black Kat scared of a little bird?”

“Shut up.”

For this job, Yuuri had forgone any fancy shoes. Minako had looked at him oddly as he had; he usually had no problem with straightforward breaking-and-entering, as this job entailed. No climbing, no scaling skyscrapers, just picking a lock and beating some security measures. Of course, the bird in question was a rare Limon Macaw, worth a couple hundred thousand. Stealing and transporting living creatures tended to be a bit trickier than diamonds or data, which is why Yuuri usually did not do it. But the payout on this job was nice and his mother’s birthday was coming up, so Yuuri had accepted and done the recon.

Still, the uncomfortable feeling of something being off persisted. Yuuri firmly affixed his goggles down over his eyes and slid off of his perch, catching himself on the windowsill of the two-story building.

The target was housed in the corporate offices of a local real estate company, and Yuuri wasn’t quite sure he was comfortable with this theft - robbing multibillion corporations was no real problem for him typically, but this wasn’t quite the Fortune 500 businesses he tended to favor for targets.

Yuuri made short work of the office window lock and pushed it inward, giving himself enough of an opening to creep through. He levered himself through and carefully lowered himself to the floor. The office was dark and kind of chilly, and the utilitarian industrial carpet that every business seemed to have in their offices muffled his steps as he carefully made his way into the executive offices.

The bird cackled at him as he opened the door up after disabling the alarm, and he contemplated it. Yuuri contemplated it as he closed the door behind him, just in case the janitorial staff was still around somewhere.

“Mmkay, c’mon birdy,” he said softly, stepping towards the cage. “We’re going on a trip.”

“Adventure time!” the Macaw replied, flapping over to his perch. “Let’s go, kids! Adventure time!”

“Well, will you look at that,” Phichit said. “Looks like that was the magic word.”

Yuuri frowned as the bird waddled into the cage and eyed him expectantly. “If only all my jobs were this easy,” he muttered as he closed the Macaw in and removed it from its hanging.

“If only,” a new voice agreed.

Yuuri jumped in surprise and clutched the cage to his chest, backing up against the wall.

“Holy shit, who was that?!” Phichit demanded.

“Uh.” Yuuri said.

A stout, short man who only made it up to Yuuri’s chest stepped out of the adjourning office, tugging a worn silk top hat off of his head. Yuuri recognized him immediately.

“Cobblepot,” he said, as the Macaw squawked at the newcomer.

“Shit,” Phichit said in his ear. “Shit, shit, shit.”

Yuuri narrowed his eyes at the man. “What the _hell_ are you doing here?”

“Just wanted to see you work in-person,” the mobster replied in his thick Cockney accent. With his ever-present umbrella and smart-yet-worn pinstripe suit, he almost pulled off the upper crust persona he was aiming for, if it weren’t for the deformity of his right hand and the overall greasiness of his person. Yuuri had never met the man in-person, but he was familiar with his activities. Cobblepot ran a lounge and commanded his army of gangsters out of it, providing a lot of weaponry that hit the city streets with alarming regularity. Yuuri, who personally hated firearms, tended to avoid directly interacting with the various Gotham mobs. It didn’t help that Cobblepot, sometimes called “the Penguin” by his peers, was kind of a disgusting human being. “Equal-opportunity grabby,” one of his former employees had reported.

 _Shit._ Everything suddenly snapped into clear, horrible clarity. “Did you hire me?!” he demanded, and the Macaw squawked again. Over the comms, Phichit began swearing furiously in Thai.

The Penguin grinned, showing off absolutely terrible teeth. “What does that matter, luv? I wanted to see this mysterious cat burglar who managed to get three shipments’ worth of income out of me. I must say, I’m awfully impressed.”

“Don’t be,” Yuuri spat, replacing the cage on its hook. “I’m dropping this job if this is all just a game to you.”

“Do it,” Phichit said, the sound of keys furiously clacking ringing down the line.

“Aw, c’mon there, luv, this i’nt no game,” Cobblepot waddled - actually _waddled_ \- halfway across the room. “I was thinkin’ this could be the start of a beautiful business opportunity.”

“No thank you,” Yuuri instantly shot him down. “I work alone.”

“Except for Catwoman? What about your pet ‘acker?” Cobblepot waggled his eyebrows over his beaky nose. “At least give it a thought?”

“I just did, and my answer is _no_.”

“All right, no professional ties attached,” Cobblepot steamrollered on in a flirty voice, and Yuuri’s annoyance turned to horror.

“ _What?!_ ” Phichit screamed in Yuuri’s ear.

“‘ow about it, then?” the mobster persisted, and licked his thin lips.

“Are you out of your fucking mind?!” Yuuri snapped, hand on his whip. “What part of _no_ is not clear to you?”

Cobblepot pouted. “And ‘ere I thought we already ‘ave so much in common.”

“You’re delusional.”

“Am I, kitty-cat? Am I really?” the man leered, _actually leered_ , and Yuuri fought the urge to toss himself out of the nearest window. “Think about it. Think of ‘ow quickly we could rule this city.”

“Nnnnaaaaaaagh.” Yuuri said, and Phichit echoed his sentiment. “Still not interested.”

“I could spoil you, you know,” Cobblepot said in the sweetest tone he probably could manage. Yuuri nearly gagged as he went on, “you would never ‘ave to take another job again. All the riches your ‘eart could desire, at your fingertips.”

“No.”

“I’ve been reliably informed,” Cobblepot primped himself, slicking his good hand back over his hair, “that I am a skilled partner in the be--”

Yuuri dashed for the door, not caring if he set off any alarms. He left Cobblepot blinking in the office as he literally threw himself at his entry point.

“Playin’ hard-to-get, eh?” the Penguin shouted after him, and Yuuri scrambled out onto the windowsill and hurriedly scaled the building like the hounds of Hell were at his heels.

“Well, good thing you wore your climbing boots,” Phichit commented in a dazed tone.

“From now on, we’re vetting my jobs harder,” Yuuri grunted as he hauled ass up the building and onto the roof.

“I don’t think I’ll ever feel clean,” Phichit said, as if he wasn’t really listening anymore. He probably wasn’t.

“Now you know what it was like back with the first Grey job,” Yuuri muttered, dropping down into an alleyway and running out onto the street.

“No, no no no no no, Yuuri, my man, this was worse.” There was a loud thunking noise from the comms. “Way.” Thunk. “Worse.” Thunk.

“I won’t fight you on that.” Yuuri ran across the street, dodging a taxi and ducking down another alleyway. He preferred the older buildings in this section of town, thanks to the unevenness of the brickwork and the plethora of handholds. It was all too easy to scale one side of the alley and begin his free run back home.

“I am so sorry for setting this up for you,” Phichit said fervently. “I didn’t know the Penguin wanted a meet-cute with you, I swear.”

“I figured you didn’t,” Yuuri reassured him once he could stop and catch his breath. He was keeping an eye on his surroundings but so far he didn’t think he was being chased or followed. Clearly, the Penguin had thought Black Kat wouldn’t require a tail after turning him down. Hell, Yuuri was pretty certain Cobblepot was convinced Black Kat wouldn’t turn him down.

“Hey, I’m letting myself into your place,” Phichit eventually piped up. “I’m going to, uh, have a few screwdrivers ready for when you get back.”

“Sounds good,” Yuuri agreed, and took off again.

 

Despite both Phichit and Yuuri’s best efforts, Minako somehow found out.

“So. Word on the street is that the Penguin seems smitten by the Black Kat.”

Yuuri spat out his coffee all over his desk and gawked up at his mentor-slash-boss, as a bunch of his interns turned to stare at him.

Minako raised an eyebrow.

“Could we discuss this later? Or never?”

They’d been speaking in Japanese, which none of the interns spoke, so Minako merely crossed her arms and leaned back on her heels.

“I don’t wanna talk about it,” Yuuri muttered, contemplating his Starbucks cup.

“Of course you don’t,” Minako rolled her eyes. “But seriously? How do you keep doing that? You’re not even trying to seduce anyone.”

“It’s probably the catsuit,” Yuuri mused dully. It was tight and disquietingly flattering.

“Ah. Yes. Probably.” Minako glanced over her shoulder at the office at large and then back at Yuuri. “Did you get hammered last night?”

“Just a little.”

“Phichit?”

“Just a bit more.”

Minako made a very unladylike whining noise. “And you didn’t invite me? I’m so insulted.”

Yuuri narrowed his eyes at her and took another fortifying sip of his coffee.

“Okay, okay, I’ll leave you be. You gonna be avoiding Bird-boy for a while?”

“How about forever?” Yuuri grumbled, tugging off his glasses.

Minako snorted. “I don’t blame you. Did he drool? I hear he drools.”

“Oh god,” Yuuri moaned, letting his head fall onto his paperwork. “Yes. Yes he did. He tried to tell me about how good he was at sex. It was horrible.”

“Oh, yikes.” Minako patted his shoulder. “You know, we really ought to get you some kind of a date.”

Yuuri whined. “You’ve already signed me up for that bachelor auction.”

“No, a real, actual date.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever date ever, thanks,” Yuuri stared at the paper fibers.

“Maybe all you need is the right guy to come along and woo you?” Minako hedged, and Yuuri whined again. “Okay, okay, I’ll stop. Sorry you almost got bad-touched on a job.”

“I hate the mafia.”

“You and the rest of us, hon.” Minako patted him on the head before turning back to the office and setting off to her own workspace.

Yuuri sat with his head down on his desk for a while longer before one of the interns approached him with a timid “Mr. Katsuki?”

Yuuri blearily looked up at them. “Yes?”

“I’ve got the figures for the next quarter’s budget projections here. Do you want them?”

“Please,” Yuuri answered, reaching for the folder.

“And Mr. Katsuki?” The intern relinquished the folder, but held his gaze. “Whoever your bad date with was, don’t think about them. They’re not worth it.”

Yuuri blinked. “Ah. Thank you, Zephyr.”

The intern nodded and let him be.

Yuuri grabbed his phone and texted Minako and Phichit: _I just got comforted by a nineteen-year-old college student. Am I that obvious?_

 _Yes,_ both responded immediately.

Yuuri winced and drained his coffee cup before returning to his work, determined to put Cobblepot and his ridiculous advances out of his mind.

**Author's Note:**

> ~~Story title lifted from Radiohead's _Creep_ because honestly it fits. It fits so well.~~
> 
> Why yes, I did retitle this after the track from the YOI OST. But the original title still fits as well.
> 
> Poor Yuuri.


End file.
